Family- the ties that bind

I've had my father in law on my mind a lot lately so I thought I'd share the story of his final journey with you. I liked the man from the first time I met him. He was this 60some odd year old man with a head full of freshly died reddish hair and a twinkle in his eye when he smiled. He put me right at easy and seemed like a generally nice man. He loved to tell a good joke and wasn't opposed to the occasional night of drinking. Anyways, we got a phone call from my brother in law John back in November telling us Al had been diagnosed with cancer. He was full of it and the doctors wouldn't even give him a time estimate, but made it known he'd best get his affairs in order lickety split.

Well we did some thinking, and we did some arranging, I got vacation from work, we pulled Allie out of school and we started our trek back to Manitoba to prepare to say goodbye to this wonderful man who's time was suddenly and cruelly cut short.

We drove all day, poor Steve had worked until the wee hours the night before we left so I had to drive for a little while so he could sleep. The trip out to Manitoba is my penance for all the swearing I do. It must be. I don't have to make the trip often, but to have to drive it too, is painful for me. We left on remembrance day and I must say if one has to travel that is the day to do it. Not a cop in 1300km!

So after and exhausting day we finally made it out there. We stopped in to see my father in law and Step Mother in Law just so they would know we made it out there safely. Imagine our surprise to see him! 30 pounds lighter, pants barely hanging on his hips, I suspect it was more the belt holding them up. He still had his fabulous smile and you could tell he was genuinely glad to see us, as we were to see him. The shocker was his right arm. It had ballooned up to about 4 times it's natural size. He claimed it never hurt him, but I suspect differently. He had taken a tumble in the summer and sprained his wrist. To add insult to injury he got stung by a wasp on his sprained arm. After months of it not healing and various local doctors visits, they finally got fed up and headed into Dauphin for a second opinion. When they x-rayed his arm there was no bone there. They suspected a metastasis right away and sent him for a CT scan. He was discovered to have lung cancer with extensive mets.

So they sent him home with some pain meds and told him to settle his affairs. He got it all sorted the best he could and he was at peace knowing his time was drawing near. We returned for a visit the next day and spent the day just talking and visiting and enjoying our time with him. We ran some errands for them in town and Ama showed Allie how to make cards.

The next day was more of the same. Al resting when he needed to, us trying to help where we could. It was a nice day filled with family just being family. Our final day there was the best.

We ran some errands in town and got out to their place around 1:00pm. We had made plans to go out to the homestead. Al wanted to check the culvert to make sure it was clear. So we loaded up, Steve and Al in our truck and us gals in the van. To understand the importance of the visit I gotta share a little background history.

Steve's Ama and Afi homesteaded the place back in the early 1920's (or somewhere around there) They had their two sons there. Al and Walter and they grew up there and Steve spent many a summer at the farm helping Uncle Wally. When Uncle Wally passed away a few years back there came a family tension that ensued from the sale of the farm. All that remained was the family's home quarter and that went to Allan when Walter died. The whole event led to some pretty bad feelings in the family and Steve had thought to never set foot out there again.

So Jo-Anne had made us all a little snack to take out there and off we went. We drove through the home quarter and up to the lake. Parking beside the lake where we could just enjoy the spectacular view. It was a beautiful day, nice and sunny. There was no wind and it was warm! That is practically unheard of in Manitoba in November. So we chatted and Allan never got tired out that day. I got a few decent pics of Steve and his dad. Sadly I had forgotten our cameras at home so I had to use the Jazz camera. After our little picnic we loaded back up and Steve and Al went to check the culvert and I took some pictures of Allie by the lake.



We headed back to Al and Jo-Annes shortly after. I learned how to cook pickerel thanks to Jo-Anne and we all had a nice dinner together. Al managed to eat a good plate of food and had to have some dessert. We had planned to have Saskatoon berry pie that night, and Jo-Anne had made it earlier in the morning. When Al found out our supper plans the night before he proclaimed "pie, what kind of pie?" So we told him. To which he replied "we need ice cream for Saskatoon pie." So we assured him we'd have ice cream with us. It was a pleasure to see him eat a good meal. But the nurse in me also knew what it meant.

When we got back to their place, Al laid down for a snooze and Jo-Anne and Allie got into another craft. We spent time in the Victoria room watching Jo-Anne and Allie make ornaments and cards. We called it a fairly early night as we were heading home in the morning and Al and Jo-Anne both were tired. He saw us to the door on our way out. We had agreed early that we couldn't say "goodbye" We had decided on "see you later" It was the way Al wanted it. He'd see us later if he got his miracle, or he'd see us later at the pearly gates.

With tear filled eyes, we were all trying desperately to not let the tears fall. How do you leave when you know this will be the last time you see this person alive? How do you leave when you want to stay and savor every last second of time left? Somehow we did. We all gave him huge hugs and kisses and said our "see you laters" and our I love yous and we walked out that door with tears streaming down our cheeks as they were finally able to be shed. We sat in the truck for 5 minutes before we could even drive. All of us united in grief, but silent in our own thoughts. We headed back to my Sister in law's house and stopped at the road to the farm. We got out of the truck, looked into the star filled sky and I hugged Steve about as hard as I could. Allie joined in and we just all had a moment together.

I guess the point of it all is that when the going gets tough you hope to hell you have your family to count on. We had 3 wonderful days of making memories, memories to comfort us and soothe us when we get sad thinking about Al and all we now miss, until we see him later. Rest in peace Al. We love you and miss you.